Merry Freaking Xmas!

Howdy humans!

Hans here. I have noticed that humans aren't making great life decisions of late, so I am taking it upon myself to ensure that you watch quality content this silly season.

Hans’ Christmas Essentials:

Jurassic Park:

“This is required viewing all year round. It is extra special at Christmas.”

Die Hard:

“This should be watched by the whole family. If someone has not seen Die Hard, you have my permission, as a King, to tie them up and force them to watch it. If they do not like it, reject them from your friend group. They are not cool enough to know you. The same goes for Jurassic Park. You cannot improve on perfection.”

The Muppet Christmas Carol:

“Muppets are life.”

Elf:

“It should not be good, but it is. This makes me smile every year.”

Gremlins:

“This is what happens if I don't get enough sugar."

Television Christmas Specials:

“Load up your favourite show and celebrate the season with your digital family. I shall be watching The Office (American), The Vicar of Dibley, and several festive episodes of Doctor Who.”

Things to Avoid

Love Actually:

“It makes you not like Alan Rickman. That is not okay. Plus, it perpetuates the patriarchy.”

Home Alone:

“I am boycotting this because Culkin said Die Hard is not a Christmas movie. Lame.”

It is also essential that you have a trifle large enough for a T Rex plush toy to jump into. There should also be more chocolate than Easter.

As well as gifts. Let us hope they are Lego.

Hans.